Closer
by Zelinxia
Summary: Fai and Kurogane share a room in a world where bad memories haunt their dreams, dreams that ultimately reveal how they have become closer to each other. Alternatively told in both Fai and Kurogane's POV. Set before Acid Tokyo. Updated with conclusion. Cover art by ootamukun of deviantART.
1. Dangerously Closer

**A/N: **I was inspired by a fanart of yaoixalchemist (who goes by tearyoursoulapart on deviantArt) to write this. Originally it was meant to be a shorter (and sweeter) piece, but then I turned it into a lengthier analysis of Fai and Kurogane's relationship. The first part is from Fai's POV while the second one will be from Kurogane's, and it will be a mirrored companion piece.

You can see the art at tearyoursoulapart (dot) deviantart (dot) com (slash) art (slash) I-m-Right-Here-183195285

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><p><strong><span>Dangerously Closer<span>**

"Good night, Fai-san."

"Good night, Sakura-chan. Sweet dreams."

"I hope you have sweet dreams, too, Fai-san!"

"Thank you, Sakura-chan. Syaoran-kun, you take care of Sakura-chan."

"Yes, of course. Good night Fai-san, Kurogane-san."

"Mokona will help Syaoran take care of Sakura, too!"

"How sweet of you, Mokona! Sakura-chan will be very happy."

"Mmm-hmm! Mokona loves to help. Good night, Fai-mommy, Kuro-daddy."

"Enough of this 'mommy' and 'daddy' nonsense!"

"Um…good night, Kurogane-san."

"Oh…good night, Hime."

"Well, that settles our night-time wishes. Come on, Kuro-puu, time to leave the kids and go to our room!"

"Why do I always share a room with you?"

xXx

Fai was glad that Sakura was fortunate enough to be the only one in the group, besides Mokona, to have pleasant dreams. However, despite Sakura's earnest wish for the mage to have sweet dreams as well, he knew this world would not be as merciful to him.

It wasn't as if Fai particularly dreaded this strange world more than any other ones. In fact, ever since he could remember, his whole existence had been a living nightmare. Each world the gang had encountered so far had not been his home world of Celes, but still he kept on his toes. Any moment Ashura could wake up from his enchanted slumber. Any moment, Fai might have to return to Celes. Even worse, Fai was constantly making sure that he caused no harm on anybody he had been traveling with for a few months.

Even though it was a constant living nightmare for the mage, there was something that was different between that and the curse of this world: control. In the waking reality, Fai could keep smiling all he wanted and put up a safe distance by teasing and being naturally pleasant. But when he would sleep, and even more so in this particular world, he would lose his will and control in his dreams - which Kurogane might and could immediately notice.

And that was why Fai detested sleeping in the same room with the ninja. He never admitted to Kurogane or to the others that he hated that. At least Kurogane had always expressed his annoyance about this fact, which reassured the mage.

Fai reluctantly pulled back the duvet of the bed just as the other man entered the room in tow.

"So why did you bid the princess sweet dreams?" Kurogane asked as soon as he closed the door to their bedroom.

"Sakura-chan does not know that this world makes you relive your worst memories in your dreams. It's better that way. Besides, from what Syaoran-kun have told us, she hasn't gotten back painful memories. So, she won't have that problem tonight."

Fai proceeded to puff one, rather than both, pillow. "As for Syaoran-kun, he's sure to have his bad memories. I wouldn't be surprised considering Sakura-chan lost her former memories of him. Yet, Syaoran-kun is very determined to get Sakura-chan's feathers back, so I'm sure he will be fine. Besides, they have Mokona!"

"But what about you?" Kurogane prompted as he sat down on his side of the bed.

Fai did not like where this as going. "What do you mean, Kuro-tan?" he asked with the best innocent smile he could produce and display.

"The princess wished you sweet dreams, too, despite not knowing the extent of this world. However, I highly doubt you would have a decent sleep. For all I know, the person you're running away from will haunt your dreams."

"Hmm, but what about you, Kuro-pii?" Fai piped to avert the direction of the conversation. It wasn't as if Fai was the only one amongst the two that was going to be affected by his painful memories.

Kurogane crossed his arms, his crimson eyes glaring at Fai. "What happened in my past is nobody's concern," he declared.

So the ninja could just say that? Well, two could play the same game.

"If your past is not my concern, then mine isn't either to you." Fai responded. If the ninja refused to talk about his own past, then he should respect the mage's boundaries of not wanting to bring his up.

The ninja's face grew sterner. "The difference is that I have chosen to set my mind on the present and the future. I have told you this many times, yet you don't seem to listen. Idiot."

Kurogane stood up again and headed for the light switch. Meanwhile, as the ninja was not looking back, Fai sat down on his side of the bed, tightly clenching the bed sheets in his hand.

Fai had never dreaded sharing a room with Kurogane as much as tonight. The ninja had consistently detected any trace of his true nature. It bothered Fai each and every time. Outside of sleeping, Fai could skirt away from tension by turning to name-calling and the like. But when it came to bed time, it became harder to sustain his mask, especially if it was only the two of them alone. Tonight, his own dreams, his own past, could betray him to the ninja. Fai hated that and he detested Kurogane for not abandoning the subject.

There was a simple solution to avoid revealing his past to the ninja through his dreams. Fai had to fight the luring spell in this world that makes one fall into a deep sleep, forcing one to relive painful memories in their dreams. Fai explicitly did not share this knowledge to Kurogane, otherwise the ninja would find out that the mage had every intention to avoid sleeping and confronting his horrific past.

Therefore, after Kurogane turned off the lights and settled in the bed, Fai lied on his side away from the other man. If he lied on his stomach and burrowed his face in the pillow as he normally would, he would fall asleep instantly. But he could not afford to tonight. Fai kept his breathing to a minimum, refusing the urge to sigh, which would be a dead giveaway. He could feel Kurogane's gaze boring on his own hunching figure, carefully observing for any signs of uneasiness. Fai hated how the ninja would simply not let it rest. He could only say one thing to try to distract the other man.

"Good night, Kuro-rin."

Nothing came out of the ninja, not even a grunt of acknowledgement or annoyance.

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"Since you won't have good dreams, it would be a lie to say the same," Kurogane responded in a low, serious tone, implying he was through talking for the night.

Fai tried so hard not to sigh at that moment. How dare he point out the obvious like that? But the mage could care less, for now, at that moment. He had to focus on staying awake as long as he could. Fai could faintly hear Kurogane's rhythmic breathing as his chest rose and fell in perpetual motion. The room was not pitch black, yet it was still dark as moonlight seeped on the carpeted floor from the window. Fai stared at the full moon shining in the night sky. He concentrated so hard on it while ignoring the ninja's light snoring for so long that he lost track of time. But that was alright. Tonight, the moon would have to be his best friend.

His brother was his best friend.

_Damn it_, Fai cursed to himself. He wasn't supposed to think about his brother at all, not now in this precarious world. He could feel the strong magic activating on cue to his slipping mind, gripping his own body. Silently cursing and begging to do anything but sleep, the last thing Fai saw was the moon.

xXx

Yuui was dragging numerous bodies, bodies of Valerian men, women and children of all ages that were dropped in the valley for punishment. He wondered why so many were pitted in the accursed Valley of Death. What crimes could they have committed that would have them killed and be disposed? Every time the horrendous sights of the corpses sickened him, the boy would focus on looking at the solitary barred window on top of the tall tower where his brother Fai was imprisoned.

"If I can climb, I can get out," Yuui thought.

Yuui painstakingly piled the bodies to lean on the cold stone tower. After dragging the last one with the even just a little amount of dignity he could, Yuui clambered on top and grasped his fingers on the stone, searching for any grooves to begin footing himself. Fai peered to the valley below from his prison, hands blistered from clutching the frozen bars tightly, allowing the twin brothers to maintain eye contact.

"I can go to a different country with Fai!"

There were barely crevices on the slick cold surface of the wall. Yuui struggled to ascend further as his fingers began to form blisters from the numbness and pressure.

"But before that, I have to know what happened to Valeria."

He began to lose grip and began to fall. Yuui desperately kept his fingers on the wall as he slid down, feeling his blisters opening up.

"Maybe Fai and I can do something to help our people."

Yuui fell back on the pile of bodies. An outstretched hand caught his attention. It was holding onto a scroll. The boy removed it and unrolled it. The writing was scrawled crudely and was at first hard to decipher.

"The Valerian sovereign…in his fits of insanity…put innocent people to death. Now no one can stop him. We beg for any foreign armies to help us…"

The writing became harder to read.

"The reason for this entire calamity falls on the twin princes born in our country."

Yuui began to tremble.

"It is all the fault of the unhappy twins."

Despaired at those last few words, Yuui hurled the scroll aside. So the cruel deaths of each and every Valerian citizen were the result of the insane sovereign's murder rampage, yet their deaths ultimately lied in the hands of the twins? In a panicked fit from the accusation, Yuui attached himself to the wall and frantically began scaling it once again. He had to hurry. Yuui and Fai had to escape this hellish environment and flee to another world together. Each time he miserably failed and fell off he would start over, gripping his fingers even tighter to the point that the deep blisters ripped open, spilling blood. As he fell once again, he saw another form falling from high above. The body slammed into the ground, lying still momentarily.

All of a sudden, the head snapped up. It was the accursed sovereign, madness haunting his very soul. Rasping for breath, the sovereign writhed towards Yuui, cornering him to the wall. The haziness in his eyes completely terrified Yuui.

"This entire calamity that befell Valeria was because of you."

He seized Yuui's ankle, drawing out a sword.

"As soon as the two of you were born, this world only knew sorrow. Now the only ones left in this country who breathes…are you two and me."

The sovereign raised the sword high above himself and Yuui.

"But now." Without warning, he rammed the sword through himself, blood splattering on the snow.

"You two will be the only ones alive."

With hatred in his eyes and a deadly snarl left in his voice, the king proclaimed, "O, unhappy twins, you shall live forever with this guilt."

Blade remaining in his body, the sovereign collapsed to the ground. The whole scene and the king's dying words of hatred rattled Yuui's soul. A howl pierced the whole valley. High above in the tower's cell, Fai kept wailing in pain for the trauma his brother had just witnessed.

"Yuui!"

Yuui clutched his head, mind rapidly spinning with the sovereign's last chilling words.

"Is it guilt to just be born together as twins?"

"Yuui!"

"We were born, that's all!"

Yuui held out his hands, fingers stained with dry blood. "Would it happen even if we were in a different country? Would people we never even know…die, because of us?"

"Yuui!"

"Are we doomed to bring unhappiness to others that we never get happiness, just because we _exist_?"

"Yuui!"

His mind was just reaching its tipping point. "Will it happen again? Will people die just because _we live_?"

"_Yuui!"_

Feelings of guilt and rage enveloped him.

"_Is it a sin to be alive?"_

Fai was silent. Yuui slumped in despair, falling into the pile of snow. He curled himself in a fetal position, paralyzed. The boy remained in that state as an unidentified amount of time passed by, as the valley was blanketed in so much snow that all the corpses were either buried or fully decayed.

"_Do you want to leave this place?"_

Was he dreaming again, after having so many delusions?

"This is no dream. It is reality!" a voice said as a mysterious portal began opening.

Yuui was stunned. "How could this be happening? Nobody but the dead could come in here!" he said aloud.

A man fully came into view from the other side. "There is more than this country. There are other worlds. Do you want to leave this place?" the man asked once more.

Yuui was rendered speechless. Could they finally leave this place? It was what his heart had always desired. "Yes, I want to leave. If there are other worlds, I want to leave. And I want somebody to-"

The man interjected, "I can grant your wish, however, you must choose! Only one of you can leave!"

In an instant, his brother's name silently came out of his lips. "Fai." As soon as his name was uttered, something was falling from up above. Yuui looked up and saw Fai hurtling down towards the ground. The twins directly looked at each other, two pairs of eyes seeing each other for the last time, before Fai hit the ground.

His body was completely still.

"Fai…" Yuui stared at his brother, crumpled in snow stained with blood.

The man ominously declared, "You have made your choice, a choice that took out a life. You must take that responsibility. That is your curse!"

"_Fai!_" Yuui cried, shaking at the sight of his brother's horrific demise. So that was the case. After accusations of guilt laid upon guilt, after seeing innocent people's bodies tossed in the valley, and after witnessing the death of the insane sovereign, the only other person he could rely on and ever cared for was dead because of him.

"Would you like to change that? Would you like to go back in time?"

Yuui could not comprehend that. "Go back in time? But nobody could-"

"Assume there were such a method to bring the dead back to life. Would you do it?"

Yuui felt horrible for taking away his brother's life. He would gladly do anything to atone for his death. "Bring Fai…back…"

"You must do something for me then," the man commanded. "Very soon, someone will come for you and take you to another place. But one day, you will travel to many places. When one who bears stronger magical powers appears before you, you will put that person to death! That is your curse. As for the other one," The man paused, "well, you don't need to know."

"Travel?"

"On a long journey, you will visit many worlds. You must escort a princess from the desert together with an image of a man I have prepared."

"Are they the one that will come for me?"

"No," the man said, "all of you will eventually meet someday. However, there will be one other person who will also be set on this journey." The man frowned, "But the witch got to him first. She saw further in dreams and arranged for the miko princess of Nihon to get to him before me."

"Therefore," the man said in an emphasized tone, "if you ever meet that child, remember this. He alone is a pawn of the witch. He is not my enemy alone for he has the ability to hinder _your_ wish as well. Your wish is to bring him back to life, is it not?"

Yuui looked at his brother, silently acknowledging his wish.

"For my wish as well as yours, you must protect the princess from the desert along with the image until she returns to her kingdom. You must eliminate anything that stands in the way. Even if the pawn of that witch gets in the way, you must-"

Yuui was terrified. "I have to kill him?"

"What's this?" the man said, "for someone who's responsible for his twin's death, you are hesitant to kill a complete stranger?"

Yuui finally held up Fai in his arms. "I only want to go with him."

The man then explained that the body will decay, thus Yuui will need to give Fai one of the desert princess' powerful feathers to preserve the body. "You will also need to bring a feather along your journey to return it to her. If she dies before the journey is finished, it will be all for naught! You don't want that to happen if you wish for him to come back would you?"

"So I have to help her find the feathers?"

"Correct." The man looked directly at Yuui. "Until your wish is granted, do as I bid. Remember that, until your wish is granted, until your second curse is broken, you are my pawn."

He then disappeared, leaving Yuui completely alone with Fai's body in his arms. As soon as he left, a rupture shook the entire valley and the tower began to crumble into pieces. Yuui held onto Fai until the rumbling stopped. An image of a figure came into view.

"I have come for you," the gentle voice said, "from another world."

A man with long black hair came into view, cautiously approaching Yuui. He had a gentle demeanor.

"Is this where you want to be?" he asked.

Yuui clutched Fai closer. "There is actually something I have to do. So I-"

"If that is so, then you must not stay here. You must live."

Yuui was taken aback, but for what reason should he live? Only one thing could happen if he still lived. "To remain unhappy?"

But the man simply shook his head. "No, to grant me a wish," he replied. His words stunned Yuui.

"Well then," the man extended his hand with a gentle smile, "shall we go to another world?"

Yuui likewise reached out his hand. Never had he seen anyone smiled at him or at his brother before. All he remembered was that Valerians would look away in fear and disgust whenever they see the twins. Even their mother shut herself away from them, so stricken with guilt for giving birth to unlucky twins that she ended her life. This man's warm invitation soothed the hems of Yuui's fragile soul after his brother's death. The warm kindness was a feeling he would never forget.

"What is your name?" the man asked as their hands finally met.

If this was the person that would take him away as promised, then Yuui fully resolved to atone for his guilt and bring back Fai to life. But for now, as long as Fai was dead, _so was Yuui_.

"Fai."

xXx

Something from reality made Fai wake up, which was puzzling since his dream didn't even take him to his memories of Celes. Strangely he still felt that unique warmth lingering in his entire body, and it wasn't coming from the sunlight pouring into the bedroom. The first thing he saw was the ninja's face. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was rapid, yet even. It then dawned on Fai that the same warmth that he felt in his past was coming directly from the ninja. More specifically, Fai was being held in the arms of Kurogane.

He had never felt so safe in such a long time.

However, this presented a precarious situation for Fai. If they were to remain in such a position, it could indicate closeness –even if the ninja was still sleeping. Fai could not allow that. He struggled to unravel himself from the ninja's arms. It wasn't hard so much just because they were heavy and muscular. Rather, Kurogane's arms had minds of their own and kept pulling Fai back into their grasp.

Over and over.

If the ninja were to wake up when they were still in this position, Fai hoped that Kurogane would simply have an outburst over this. But knowing how intruding Kurogane could be, Fai knew there would also be questions and suspicion formulating inside the ninja's head. Not sure what to do, Fai abandoned his futile struggle and decided to remain still. Since the cursed magic had no effect in daylight, he lightly closed his eyes, praying that he could get out of this situation somehow before Kurogane woke up.

A few minutes later, Fai heard their bedroom door opening –rather not so gently- along with a stifled giggle. It could only be Mokona. With stealth and silence, Mokona plopped in one of Kurogane's hand. She opened her mouth and said the ninja's name in a sweet, yet creepy voice out loud. Perhaps it was one of Mokona's 108 Secret Techniques, and that certainly did the charm. The ninja immediately hurled up, instantly letting go of Fai and clutching Mokona in his hand and giving her the death glare. But Mokona only giggled some more.

"Mokona just came in to say that Syaoran and Sakura just woke up."

Fai allowed himself to sit up. "Ah, thanks for letting us know, Mokona," he chirped.

He stretched his arms, loosening any tensions they possibly could have from the pressure of Kurogane's arms while the ninja continued to fume and glare at Mokona suspiciously. On the other hand, Fai was grateful. If it weren't for Mokona, he wouldn't have known how to get out of the ninja's arms. The mage hoped that Kurogane did not even notice where or whom his arms happened to be around before his abrupt awakening.

"Well then, should we get ready, Kuro-puu?" As usual, the ninja grumbled in response.

As the men silently got ready for the day, Fai had a hard time forgetting how warm and safe he felt waking up in Kurogane's arms. The warmth disturbed him as much at the same time he craved for it. Fastening his belt, the mage hoped that they would find Sakura's feather as soon as possible so they could leave this wretched world. He dared not think that it could happen again, that he would wind up safe and sound in the ninja's comforting arms.

Fai had no reason to talk about his past. To do so would reveal that his existence was and would always be a living curse. A living curse that would bring harm to anybody Fai deeply came to care for and loves. To get close to those types of people was and would always be dangerous. Besides, if they knew, they sure would not want to be associated, let alone continue traveling with him. Fai would understand anyway. Who would want to get close to him if that person knew what he and his living curse had done to all the Valerians and his parents? To his brother, the _real_ Fai? To Ashura?

When Fai landed in Yuuko's world, he instantly recognized Syaoran and Sakura as the image of the boy and the princess from the desert just as _that_ man had stated. Bearing _that_ man's words in the valley, Fai knew he would help Sakura retrieve her feathers along with Syaoran. So long as he could simply comply with _that_ man's orders, he still had a chance to save his brother. Fai would willingly do that, so long as he didn't get close to the children. Thankfully neither of them had made any real effort to peer behind his façade of smiles and cheerfulness, so that at least meant he can't be possibly getting that close to them.

But Kurogane was completely different in almost every way. As their journey progressed Fai wished otherwise yet couldn't help but notice. He and Kurogane were getting closer.

Dangerously closer.

The ninja clearly had no idea what was at stake just by picking up nearly every single damn cues of Fai's true face and therefore haranguing the mage each and every time for being an "idiot". Kurogane had no idea who he really _was_ in relation to Fai. When he arrived in Yuuko's world, the moment he heard the tall man who was wielding a bloodstained long sword explaining that he also came from a world called Nihon, Fai knew. Kurogane was exactly the person _that_ man had warned Fai about, who was supposedly Fai's enemy just as much as _that_ man. Since the ninja was the one most likely to be in danger in Fai's presence due to being the sole pawn of _that_ man's enemy, it was especially dangerous for Kurogane to get closer to Fai. There was no way Fai would ever reveal anything about his past, to let Kurogane in to see the truth simply because it would bridge these men even closer. To get closer to anyone in the group, particularly Kurogane, could only invite disaster. For that reason, it was exactly why Fai would never allow himself to even think about the ninja's blunt, yet sincere words. To do so would be a sign of accepting that the ninja, unintentionally, wanted to get closer. To get closer to the ninja, out of everyone in the traveling group, was the most dangerous. It was best for both of them that Fai vigilantly remained closed up, away from Kurogane's arms and perceptive mind.

The men happened to glance at each other at the same time. It was evident in Kurogane's crimson eyes that his current thoughts were not that different from Fai's.

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><p><strong>AN: **This was the first time I had actually written largely from Fai's POV that deals with his true character and the psychological conflict that had gripped him for a painfully long time. Honestly by writing this it made me appreciate Fai much more than I already had...and so many parts were quite painful to write about. I would give Fai a huge hug if I could. But fortunately he finds hope and happiness by the end of the series.

I have been working on Kurogane's part, too. Yet there's a lot more I need to work on it. His side of this story may answer several ambiguous questions posed in Fai's POV. Afterall, what happens are interpreted differently. Once I'm done with Kurogane's part, I'll post it up. So stay tuned!


	2. Frustratingly Closer

"Good night, Fai-san."

"Good night, Sakura-chan. Sweet dreams."

"I hope you have sweet dreams, too, Fai-san!"

"Thank you, Sakura-chan. Syaoran-kun, you take care of Sakura-chan."

"Yes, of course. Good night Fai-san, Kurogane-san."

"Mokona will help Syaoran take care of Sakura, too!"

"How sweet of you, Mokona! Sakura-chan will be very happy."

"Mmm-hmm! Mokona loves to help. Good night, Fai-mommy, Kuro-daddy."

"Enough of this 'mommy' and 'daddy' nonsense!"

"Um…good night, Kurogane-san."

"Oh…good night, Hime."

"Well, that settles our night-time wishes. Come on, Kuro-puu, time to leave the kids and go to our room!"

"Why do I always share a room with _you_?"

* * *

><p>Kurogane leaned against the wall in the hallway with his arms crossed, deep in thought. The kid was escorting the princess, who was having a very hard time keeping her eyes open, into their room while the equally sleepy manjuu was resting on her head. Syaoran closed their bedroom door, shutting them out of view, yet the ninja still kept his ears alert. He could faintly make out the boy assisting the girl to her bed, assuring her that he would be fine sleeping on the floor. The noise of the light switch flicking off came a minute afterwards, promptly followed by complete silence. Satisfied that the three kiddos were settled for the night, Kurogane made his way to his and Fai's bedroom.<p>

Earlier that day, the mage had privately confided to him the horror of this world. Apparently there was a curse present where people could only dream about their worst memories. However, Fai had no desire to inform the kids, especially the princess, about it. Yet no matter how much the fool tried to convince otherwise, the ninja suspected that Fai was once again hiding just how powerful he was with his detection and art of magic. And if the mage was certain about this curse, Kurogane had a hunch that Fai was putting all his concern on the children while disregarding his own welfare at the same time. There was no way that Fai could run away from whatever was holding him back if it would appear in his dreams.

When he entered the bedroom and shut the door behind him, he saw that the mage had already pulled back the bed's duvet. The weariness in Fai's face quickly changed to a calmer expression.

"So why did you bid the princess sweet dreams?" Kurogane asked Fai. He decided to throw this question first, attempting to soften the blow before he threw in the more important one.

"Sakura-chan does not know that this world makes you relive your worst memories in your dreams. It's better that way. Besides, from what Syaoran-kun have told us, she hasn't gotten back painful memories. So, she won't have that problem tonight."

At this point, Fai bent over to puff the pillow on the right side of the bed. Yet Kurogane observed that he didn't do it to the other one. The moron must have been trying hard to leave it uncomfortable so that he couldn't fall asleep easily.

"As for Syaoran-kun, he's sure to have his bad memories. I wouldn't be surprised considering Sakura-chan lost her former memories of him. Yet, Syaoran-kun is very determined to get Sakura-chan's feathers back, so I'm sure he will be fine. Besides, they have Mokona!"

Now was the time, he affirmed as he sat down on the bed. "But what about you?"

"What do you mean, Kuro-tan?" There was a slight moment of hesitation and tension in the mage's body.

Kurogane proceeded to cut to the chase. "The princess wished you sweet dreams, too, despite not knowing the extent of this world. However, I highly doubt you would have a decent sleep. For all I know, the person you're running away from will haunt your dreams."

"Hmm, but what about you, Kuro-pii?" Fai retorted with another one of his "innocent" smile. Kurogane wondered how on earth he had been able to control himself all this time from doing something to literally wipe off those annoying fake smiles.

He was crossing his arms at this moment, growing impatient. "What happened in my past is nobody's concern."

"If your past is not my concern, then mine isn't either to you."

So the idiot had the nerve to volley back, leaving it in the usual stalemate position. To his aggravation, the conversation was getting nowhere again.

"The difference is that _I_ have chosen to set my mind on the present and the future. I have told you this many times, yet you don't seem to listen. Idiot."

Kurogane let those words sink into the mage's dense head and went to turn off the lights. He then settled down on the right side of the bed whereas Fai had already lied down. It had become a regular part of their journey for the two to share beds, so he expected Fai to maintain his distance as usual. Yet this time it was different. Both men, especially Fai, were acutely aware that their dreams will yield fragments of their most painful memories due to the curse of this world.

Tonight the mage laid on his side with his back to the ninja instead of his stomach. It was deliberately clear that Fai was choosing to put up yet another wall between him and Kurogane. But he was still an idiot as he ever was, if not even more. Kurogane could tell that Fai was slightly curling his feet closer to a fetal position. His muscles were tensing up out of sheer dread of what would come when he loses control in his sleep and drowns in his dreams. Fai was even holding in the urge to heave huge sighs as evident by his tense breathing. The disconcerting silence kept its spell in the men's bedroom until the mage temporarily broke his shield.

"Good night, Kuro-rin."

He was a fool to think that he could come off as less terrified just by saying that.

"Aren't you going to say something?" the mage asked in a false, cheery tone.

Fai was such a persistent person. The ninja scrutinized his gaze at Fai's slender back and issued a terse response.

"Since you won't have good dreams, it would be a lie to say the same."

The mage was silent. He couldn't really bother if Fai felt stung by his words. The ninja meant every word he said. Kurogane had tried several times to get some sense into the idiotic mage's head that his past does not matter to him or the children. Yet all of his words and nuances fell on Fai's deaf ears. Knowing that it would be an impossible task to drill those into Fai's head for once by tonight, the ninja shut his eyes and mentally prepared for what may come in his sleep. The next day would be important as usual to search for the princess' feather. Besides, the sooner they find it, the faster the manjuu could take them to another world. That would be good for everyone, even for the idiot that was pretending to lie still next to him.

An odd, unfamiliar sensation overwhelmed his exhausted body, luring him into a fast deep sleep.

* * *

><p>Youou sat still outside of his mother's shrine with sword in hand as she prayed for his father and the guard's success in protecting Suwa, despite her ailing health. He had wished to fight alongside his father, but he knew that staying home to protect his mother was just as, if not, more important. If his parents were very devoted to protecting the province and everybody that they love, so was he. All of his training had paid off. This was what he wanted, to protect Hahaue, Chichiue and everybody. It was only a matter of time before his father and the men came back home safely just like any other time.<p>

All of a sudden Youou heard a loud, painful gasp and a thud. Fearing that his mother was struggling to breathe, the young lord dashed for the screen door. Youou quickly pried the entrance to the shrine open and to his horror he realized that the gasp wasn't because she was having difficulty breathing.

It was because a sword was impaling her.

"Hahaue!"

He drew out his sword. Youou ran towards the murderer, but the arm withdrew the blade from her and mysteriously vanished through a strange portal, leading her to collapse. The boy abandoned his own weapon and went to her aid.

His mother was sprawled on the floor, blood severely seeping from the wound that the sword had left. She could barely flicker her eyes, struggling to maintain eye contact with her son. "The wards…are falling…apart…," she struggled to say.

Youou's two hands were instantly drenched with blood the moment he pressed them on the wound, desperately trying to suppress the flow. He fervently looked for any other people nearby, shouting, "Somebody, anybody, please help!" But nobody responded to his pleas.

A frigid hand touched his tearstained cheek. He slowly turned to look at his mother's pale face, even though it was painfully difficult. "Please…Suwa…you must…"

No matter how hard he tried, blood kept leaking out. At that moment, all Youou could do was scream inside his head, begging for something, _anything_ to save her. The light in his mother's eyes was increasingly fading out.

"You must…protec…"

"Hahaue?"

Nothing came out in response. His beloved mother's eyes were dull and stained with tears and her body was cold and limp.

She was gone.

"_Hahaue_!" he howled, cradling her and crying in agony. Over and over his head was occupied with the heavy pounding thought that he wasn't able to protect his mother, that he could have prevented her murder by being more vigilant or even by preventing her from going to her shrine in the first place. Yet no matter how much he was furious with himself, no matter how much he was wounded, nothing could ever bring her back to life.

It was too late. Too late as the cries of villagers and chaos rang outside of the palace. Too late as people screamed because the demons were invading the palace and terrorizing the people as they unsuccessfully fled for their lives. Youou remained in place, numb and unresponsive to the present threats. Because now nothing mattered more than the fact that Youou's beloved mother was dead, dead because he couldn't do anything to save her.

One of the demons wrecked its way outside of the shrine and Youou shielded him and his mother's body from it. He seethed in anger as the beast loomed closer, soot obstructing the view of its monstrosity. Youou could barely make out that it was gripping something odd in its jaws. But when the soot scattered away and allowed him to take a closer look, he was left unprepared for what it was. Youou thought he couldn't feel any more pain after helplessly watching his mother die, but he was proven wrong as his chest was crushing beyond capacity.

It was Ginryuu, held by a severed arm with the unmistakable mark of a dragon.

"_Chichiue, I'm going too!"_

"_You stay here!"_

His father was not coming back. Hahaue and Chichiue were never going to come back. Youou cruelly witnessed the demon eating away his father's remaining arm, dropping Ginryuu to the ground in front of him.

"_No, I've gotten stronger! I can fight with you!"_

"_Yes. You are strong." _

His mother sacrificed her health to pray for his father's success and ultimately lost her life. His father, the man he admired and respected the most, was defeated in the battlefield, yet he died protecting Suwa and refused to let go of Ginryuu. Something deliberately snapped inside of him when he eyed the sword. Anger, but most of all pain, enveloped his senses.

"_That is why you must use your strength to protect the ones you love."_

Youou drew out Ginryuu, eyes glinting with vengeance, and charged towards the demon. He failed to protect his mother when his father was away, but he will do anything to protect what's left of his parents, no matter what.

xXx

There was an odd flicker of light. And it was coming this way.

Youou felt a force blowing past his ears, pinning back his left hand. He felt it slowly piercing the palm of it, felt his blood leaking out. Roaring in pain, Youou struggled to not let it defeat him. Something was coming his way and he glared. Movement and sound was faint yet his body was hungry to destroy it. But the thing was still holding him back and he faintly hissed as it came closer to him. Another light appeared.

"Please let your mother rest." Something in those words, those sounds fully awakened Youou back to reality. The world was coming back to him.

Kneeling in front of him was not a thing or a monster, but a girl. Youou surveyed his own surroundings. Bloody remains of demons and even people lied around him. But then he saw his mother's body lying down in front of him, yet this time her eyes were closed.

And then he remembered everything, pain and all.

"Ha-Hahaue."

Lying by his side was the bloodstained Ginryuu, the only thing left of his father.

"Chichiue."

Youou had even hoped that this would be all a dream, a nightmare. But the searing pain was undeniably tangible and real and all he wanted was for that pain to go away so badly. It hurt so much to be fully aware that he had just lost his parents in the same night. It hurt too much to realize that there was nothing he could do, nothing that could be done to ever see them again. There was no home to go back to, no Hahaue or Chichiue to greet him. Before he could even stop himself, he sank down on his exhausted body, shaking and crying uncontrollably until he felt like he couldn't breathe, until he couldn't feel anything again.

xXx

Youou woke up, drowsy and confused. He knew he was lying down on a mat and his left hand was wrapped in gauzes to treat his wounds. But the tall ceiling, the pillars, and the entire room were unfamiliar to him. He tossed and turned around, struggling to cry out where he was and what happened to his mother and Ginryuu.

"Your sword is right here." Where was that voice coming from?

"Where?…Who?…" His voice was still hoarse.

"You are in Shirasagi Castle in the land of Nihon. I am called Tsukuyomi."

It was the same girl that brought him to his senses. Ginryuu, cleaned and delicately balanced in white cloth, was being held in her hands.

"Are you the miko princess of the castle?" he asked, recalling that his mother would often speak about this powerful miko princess.

Tsukuyomi nodded her head. "Yes, just like your mother."

Youou thought about his mother who had died performing her priestess duties notably. A wave of grief washed over him and he silently swallowed a rising lump in his throat. He looked at the sword in the young princess' hands, the sword that his father had used to protect Suwa until his death. After everything that had happened that had led to the death of his parents and the destruction of Suwa, he knew that Ginryuu must be buried too as a proper and honorary tribute.

"Would you please bury Ginyruu along with my mother?" He paused, dreading what he had to say next yet summoning the strength to continue. "My father no longer has a body to bury."

"I will bury this at your request," Tsukuyomi agreed. "However, I will present you another copy, one made from the same maker and with the same workmanship."

Youou was stunned by Tsukuyomi's grand and rather thoughtful gesture. "Ginyruu… But why?"

"Because you still have your father's last wish to carry out," she replied with solemn eyes.

His father's last words were still freshly etched in his memories. He never knew that he would need to carry the family heirloom, albeit a copy, to honor his father's wish. But he will for his sake and honor.

"I haven't told you my name yet, have I?" the girl said.

"It's Tsukuyomi, is it not"?

"It's only a title that's passed down among the miko princesses like me." The girl smiled, lightening the solemn mood. "My name is really Tomoyo. What's yours?"

Youou had a strong desire to fulfill his father's last wish. Besides, he thought to himself with solemnity, he hoped to never lose anybody precious to him again if he could help it. At the same time, Youou's father will never have the chance to pass down his name to his son. The name was very fitting, for it bears the connotation and blessings of enduring strength. It would befit the same thing that his father and he himself had wished all along.

_To become stronger and protect those that he loves with his strength. _

"K-

* * *

><p>"KUROGANE!"<p>

_Manjuu bun…_ Kurogane growled as he swiftly shot up and kept a tight firm around Mokona. He gave her his customary glare for her. _Die._ However, Mokona became very accustomed to Kurogane's treatment that she just giggled, further aggravating the ninja.

"Mokona just came in to say that Syaoran and Sakura just woke up," she piped.

"Sure, that's all you came in for," he thought with suspicion.

"Ah, thanks for letting us know, Mokona. Well then," Fai stretched his lanky arms above his head, forcing another sickening false grin on his face, "shall we get ready, Kuro-puu?"

Kurogane grumbled in response.

As the two of them were silently getting ready, Kurogane was thinking about his dream, or rather, his past. As a child, Kurogane vowed to get stronger to protect his parents, especially his mother. Yet he failed to, and in his own state of madness and anguish, Kurogane clung to his mother's body, the only thing left he could still protect aside from Ginryuu. He could faintly remember reaching for his father's sword. The ninja could not remember anything after that until Tomoyo-hime brought him to his senses. But the pain of losing his mother, his father, and his homeland would never be completely forgotten. The scar that was still prominent on his left hand was, after all, a reminder of that.

It was evident that the ninja's greatest fear was having people precious to him taken away from him. Even though he couldn't exactly remember how he was obsessed with protecting his mother's body, Kurogane knew there was something – or even someone - he was fighting to protect as he was dreaming. When the manjuu bun rudely woke him up, the first thing he saw (before lunging for her) were his arms tightly embracing Fai.

Yes, the idiotic mage.

It was this single fact that was constantly on his mind. As much as he wished it only happened because Fai was conveniently there for his body to fiercely protect something, _anything _in reality during his dream state of anguish, Kurogane knew that was simply not the case. At the beginning of their journey, Kurogane had his heart and fierce mind purely set on returning to Nihon and getting even with Tomoyo-hime for mercilessly sending him away. Yet he soon became invested in the hunt for Sakura's feathers before he even knew it and even agreed (much to his initial dismay) to teach Syaoran how to properly use and fight with a sword. He eventually admitted to himself that the kid, the princess, and even the aggravating manjuu bun were becoming very important to him along this whole journey. Had he not fought so much to protect them?

But there was one thing he was slowly coming to accept in his own heart that was sealed emotionally for a very long time up until now. He and Fai were getting closer.

Frustratingly closer.

It was frustrating. To have Fai cast a smile each and every time he wished to hide anything that would reveal his past and true nature. To have the idiot be dishonest to him and the others. To have the mage have no concern and regard for his own life. But most of all, for Kurogane to realize that he still wanted Fai to be free from his burdens - however bad they may be - and live in the present. For him to see that his strongest wish was to protect Fai, with all his fragility and complexity.

Kurogane didn't even know why or even _when_ he became personally invested in the mage's welfare. It wasn't like he needed or even wanted to meddle with whatever's going on inside Fai's head and his past. The only thing the ninja was certain about was that for all of the unnecessary facades and foolish coping behaviors that the mage wore and displayed, Fai doesn't deserve to deal with whatever damn thing was robbing him the ability of being able to breathe. And somehow, from at least that sole conclusion, Kurogane found himself consistently pushing Fai to live in the present. Not for his sake nor for the children's, but for the mage's _own_ sake.

But to constantly witness his desire for the mage's well-being rejected by the idiot himself was the most frustrating of all. Yet Kurogane still caught himself persisting for god knows what reason.

The men happened to glance at each other at the same time. It was evident in Fai's cerulean eyes that his current thoughts were not that different from Kurogane's.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** This was harder for me to write oddly enough. Not only was I obsessed with making sure Kurogane didn't go OoC by being overtly introspective, but fleshing out his past was harder than I thought it would be. This concludes the short mirror fic series, so I hoped you enjoyed it!


	3. Eternally Close

**Part 3** **- Eternally Close**  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG-13  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> From Acid Tokyo and beyond

**A/N:** Surprise! A while back I decided to write a conclusion for this series. In this one I decided to switch back and forth with their point of views. This one is definitely full of angst since majority of it chronicles the canon events, but do not despair because it will end rather nicely.

* * *

><p>His hands were the size of a small child when they reached out to touch those of the warm and kind stranger, but they were worn out, blistered and bruised, and numbed to the touch. Yuui wasn't a child in this situation, and he never really did have a childhood in the first place. He and Fai instead had been treated in scorn as if they were adult criminals and could never be treated or cared for, left to wither away (but never intended to die) in the forsaken valley. But for all this man had to offer, he would take it.<p>

"What is your name?" he asked.

If he was given a second chance to atone for his sins, he would do whatever it took to bring his brother back to life. But for now, as long as Fai was dead, _so was Yuui_.

"Fai," he croaked, before the world around them morphed from snow and blood to infinite darkness. And before Fai knew it, he had woken up not in Celes as he thought he would, but on a sturdy bed with filtered sunlight streaming in from the window blinds and, to his horror, in Kurogane's tightly locked arms.

It had felt like a cruel and unusual long amount of time for him to remain like that, frozen and unsure what to do, before Mokona interrupt his bedmate's moment of deep sleep and unintentionally spared the mage from many intruding questions and burning stares from Kurogane. Fortunately at that time, the group was all in a hurry to get ready to resume the search for Sakura's feather, and Fai took that time to bury any unsettling thoughts of actually feeling warm and safe in those strong arms of his companion, not to mention wrestle with the torn desires to feel that warmth again when he knew it would be dangerous to get so close to this man.

The games and charades would continue from henceforth, and each time he felt his privacy and innermost secrets being invaded he would use his arsenal of taunts and always made sure he and the other man were never alone for longer than necessary. He noticed that using those inane nicknames were becoming less of a method for inciting fury from the ninja in order to throw him off track; and he hoped it was just a matter of Kurogane becoming habituated to the taunts and not as something the man actually relished in being addressed with. He couldn't understand why Kurogane was so persistent on lifting off each and every layer he had carefully had put on, why Kurogane believed that he was a sort of puzzle piece that needed to be scrutinized in every manner.

Yet in the end, the one thing that disturbed him the most was how quickly he was lulled away from sleep and dreams when the curse of that world forced its victims to _fully _relive their worst memories. In that case, Fai would have had continued to dream about the devastations in Celes, but then he was cut from that. He'd rather much preferred that he wouldn't revisit moments in that world where he thought he could find solace and a new home, yet in the end only found that he was caught in lies and secrecies and was the one responsible for another mass murder and an insane ruler. Those things frequently visited his mind enough in the waking world. No, the reason why this unexpected early awakening upset him was that it was Kurogane's embrace – which he supposed was unintentional and was on the other man's unconscious part from his own dreams – that woke him up, and that could change many, many things.

No, no matter what happened in worlds to come, Fai must not let him get that close again, whether it was literally be in Kurogane's arms or betray his secrets away.

* * *

><p>His arms of course were not as big and strong as his father when he was a boy, but they still carried a lot of weight and importance for he was the heir of Suwa and would be the province's next lord and protector. The day Youou started learning to use a sword would be forever cemented in his memories, and with stubbornness and devotion in his blood he sought to become stronger and stronger so that he could fulfill his own vow to protect the people he loved. Over the years he worked diligently in the training field, and when he was old enough to go out in the neighboring villages of the province to stem off the tides of demons attacking and protect the peasants from harm and destruction, he was nothing short of being glad to fulfill his duty. Slowly but surely Youou would grow up to be just like his father whom he idolized as a man and a warrior.<p>

Those same arms failed him in the end. They could only cling onto his mother's body, and with a fury's wrath unleashed in him, he had decimated the rest of the demons that invaded the entire province and killed his father. The immediate losses were etched in the scar running along the palm of his left hand; but the losses would forever be carved in his heart. The pain was too much for him. The loss of his only family and only home were severe, and so when he woke up in a new place and was greeted by the young princess who had saved him, he let go of his given name Youou and started going as Kurogane, his father's name, his father he had grown up hoping to emulate and was so strong and never gave up protecting even in his last agonizing and dying breath.

It was when he started uttering his new name to her that his world was disrupted, and he woke up to the present time with Fai, of all people, locked tightly in his own arms.

Initially he tried to shrug that off as they had important things to take care of that morning to search for Sakura's missing feather in that forsaken world. And yet, even though he was honest to himself that he and the mage were getting closer, he knew that Fai had wished otherwise. Despite that, Kurogane still kept an eye out for those moments the blond slipped, when his facade was falling apart, in order to jab at the idiot to not be an idiot. Somewhere along the lines he had started seeing Fai as only an idiot to one where he's still an idiot, but was hurting all over and torn about whatever was holding him back. It was that realization that had fueled Kurogane to be persistent. Perhaps that was what Tomoyo had wanted for him to learn along the way - to empathize and maybe even _care_ for someone who needed to be cared for, but denied it.

So how then – as he found himself holding Fai, lifeless and blood spilling from an empty socket, in his arms again of all irony – was he _furious?_ All hell had been broken loose. The kid had lost his soul, turned a complete one-eighty, had assaulted Fai and left him on the doorstop of Death, and had left them all, leaving the princess severely heartbroken. What was left of the family no longer existed. It was left hanging on a loose thread and he felt angry and hurt and … helpless. Fai was _dying _and the manjuu bun was crying to the witch who was even solemn and the devastated princess was asleep and this new kid was standing there probably feeling goddamned sorry for his unfortunate timing and Kurogane was - he was -

He honestly hadn't felt like this since the night he felt so helpless and grief-stricken, watching his mother dying and not being able to do anything. All he did was held her in his arms and screamed and begged for the gods and guardians of Suwa to spare her from Death, but that didn't help and where did that left him? Of all the times the mage had been moronic and tiptoed from battles and closeness with the others, he finally started to break free bit by bit and started to care for Syaoran and Sakura, was perhaps even healing. It was a start, and it was promising. And now all of that had been ripped away from him and he refused to live and Kurogane _hated_ that because it wasn't _fair_ and Fai _didn't_ deserve to die.

No, he can't – he _won't _let someone close to him get taken away from him again. Kurogane couldn't give a damn. He made a promise somewhere along the way and he was not about to fail that promise, not like last time when he was a frightened child. He would see to it. _Fai will live_.

"Witch, is there any way to keep him from dying?"

* * *

><p>'I'm sorry' was the first thing that continuously rang in his head the moment his eye was ripped out and left him with an unsettling feeling of hollowness in more than just his socket. 'Sorry' for not being able to save Syaoran from losing his soul, even though he knew that there was nothing even a powerful mage like him could do to avert disaster. 'Sorry' for being an accomplice in hurting Sakura, the person he had first started to care for and wished for her happiness in spite of his vows never to get close to anyone, and now that Fai had broken that, it had ended in misfortune once again.<p>

'Sorry' for hoping that he thought he could ever think he could get close to anyone, for being - really - a fool for hoping something like that could occur without unleashing misery. 'Sorry' for where this all had led him on the verge of death. Fai had been waiting for this for a long time, but he was 'sorry' because he wasn't ready to die so soon. 'Sorry' to his brother, the _real_ Fai for whom he had set out on this journey to resurrect and atone for his sins of murdering him because now there was no escaping death. Not when Syaoran was roaming on his own in countless worlds and going to wreak havoc on so many of them with _his _own magic. He was 'sorry' for causing him to get into this trap.

Fai was 'sorry' for ending up in Kurogane's arms, again, in circumstances beyond his control. In his moments of hovering between life and death, barely hearing the chaos being orchestrated in the bottom of the empty reservoir, the blond still felt him being held and _protected _by the ninja. Another vow had been broken, and if Sakura and Syaoran were the victims of his attempts, he was now fully scared of what would happen to Kurogane. He let himself be tended to by the young doctor, felt the scraping of cotton and stinging of alcohol in his left socket and bandages wrapping over the wounds to preserve his dignity.

He didn't _want _the pity nor deserve it, and when he heard Mokona wailed at the prognosis of his death, Fai wanted to comfort the tiny companion. 'Sorry', he thought sadly to her. No matter what the dimensional witch had to say in terms of saving his life (or what was a seemingly empty life) he had already determined his fate. There was no going back. 'Sorry', he thought again, for leaving them in this sorry state of mess and actually ready to accept Death that loomed over him.

But then there was a sickening sound of wall crumbling and Fai didn't have to strain to open his eyes to see Kurogane's fury as a trembling fist held him aloft by the collar. He didn't know how to react as the ninja roared at him for treating his life with such worthlessness. It would probably take more fingers than he had available to count how many times Kurogane had reiterated to him the same message over and over. There was no mistaking it. Kurogane was scared. _Why?_

Of course he knew why, and it hurt. Fai wasn't an idiot to know that somewhere along the way he was someone Kurogane regarded as important to him. The charades, the taunts and name-calling - all of it had turned for the unintended consequences. Instead of turning serious, temperamental and oft-passionate Kurogane away from him and his privies, he had drawn the man closer to him. He was his marked enemy, his opposite in nearly every fashion - an honest, straightforward person who was spared from curses and misfortune who once upon a time had said Fai was the type of person he hated the most. And now, Fai knew with the faint scants of trembling in Kurogane's anger instead of sheer annoyance; the way his head was being supported with strong hands compared to those times of being carelessly strung over a shoulder in contempt; and even the way he felt Kurogane's fingers absentmindedly running through his hair that maybe, just maybe, he was never hated all those times.

The thought nearly made him cry.

"I'm sorry," Fai chose to say at last, waiting to die. Too late, it was too late and perhaps he could die knowing he was cared for.

It turned out those wouldn't be his last words, and it wouldn't be again for a very long time. One moment Kurogane was holding onto him, angry devastation swimming in red eyes. The next, red blood in pools of droplets cascaded down into Fai's parched mouth to salvage his life. His body reacted to the change immediately and it was so painful that he couldn't properly wail.

Was coming back to life supposed to be this painful? A flicker of golden eye met red, and it was clear that Kurogane was silently telling Fai that forgive or unforgiving be damned and that the ninja was dead set on following through with the vampire business.

Yes, it was, he thought bitterly. Kurogane had crossed the boundary, and if there ever was a way for them to be dangerously close with each other, it was this. He's the vampire and Kurogane's the prey, and in that dynamic he would depend on the warrior for his blood. How cruel, because it could be the other way around. Fai could choose to ignore feeding, but now he knew the true extent of just how much Kurogane would not let this all go. _Kurogane_'s the dependent one here, insisting he stayed alive. And for what? The man's an idiot, too, for putting them both in this trap. Why, _why_ did he go through that decision that would inevitably connect them?

He had to do something. He had to be in control of something, and if Kurogane wanted to control his own god forsaken life, then he would control just how much he would react around the damned man. He wouldn't forgive Kurogane, for if he did he wouldn't forgive himself. It was just as he had feared in that world – they had gotten dangerously closer. He didn't know he had crossed the lines as well until the moment Kurogane had made that damned wish of his. It was something that should had never happened in the first place, and it was his fault for dragging the other man into this.

'I'm sorry,' he mourned as sleep overwhelmed him, for causing Kurogane to care for him this way, and for him to return the feelings.

'I'm sorry,' he wanted to say when he woke up. 'I'm sorry,' was what he wished to express through his smile, but couldn't. 'Sorry' for putting them through this, 'sorry' for running away again. 'Sorry' for destroying as much as he could even though he knew Kurogane wanted to be close to him just as much he desperately wanted to as well.

But he wasn't 'sorry' for what he was going to say and do because it was the right thing.

"Good morning, Kurogane."

* * *

><p>"…Kurogane."<p>

It was what he only heard. _Kurogane_.

How ironic, he thought, that for the mage to address him in such a manner one would in a term of endearment without the usage of honorifics. It was far from it. 'Kuro-rin', 'Kuro-tan', 'Kuro-sama' – hell, even 'Big Puppy' were all botchers of his name and nothing more than just annoying nicknames, but they were still _something_ and maybe as close to endearments as he could get. And now, of all the ways the calm man could have put a distance between them, he had used 'Kurogane' as the main weapon to destroy just precisely everything they had between them. It was quick, cold, and to the point, and it _stung._

If this had happened earlier in the journey, he would have screamed '_Fuck you'_ at the idiot and his damn smile, would have put his hands around the mage's slender wrists (or even neck) and wring them for good measures. Or maybe he would have smirked in satisfaction that the blond had addressed him with his full name and encouraged him to keep it that way.

But he didn't react either way. He couldn't, so instead, he tossed a blanket at him and walked away.

Because the realization that he couldn't even react angrily or with violence showed that Fai meant so much to him and that he treasured their relationship despite all of its fragility and complexity, even regarded it as something precious to him. Like any important figure that was treasured and, therefore, was rendered vulnerable to outside attacks and assassination attempts; like any guardian that sworn and promised to protect the person that is precious to him and the land, Kurogane had stepped in to do more than just protect Fai, _the idiot_, from losing his life several times. Maybe it started in Outo when the mage got injured, or maybe it even started in Koryo when they fought the possessed witch in the deadly battlefield, but somewhere along the way he had taken it upon himself to push Fai to move on, to _breathe_, and before he knew it he started to care.

_No_, he now understood with heavy certainty, _more than just care_, and it's because of that that Fai had claimed this and everything they had going on as the most critical and vulnerable thing to attack, ripping it all asunder and let everything Kurogane had done for him, had _still_ wanted to do, go in vain. He knew that it was too much to ask for Fai to forgive him for going against his wish to save his life. That much he knew. But he didn't know that this would happen, that even though Fai was very much alive and running on his own blood, the blond would cut off all connections and treat whatever they had going on as something that was dead and must be buried and hidden away. It shouldn't be as painful as if he was actually dead, but this…

This hurt just as much.

Did he regret his decision at all? No. Did he know that his new responsibility for Fai's life would be difficult? Of course. But – a promise was a promise, and he would never bow out of those he had made and sworn he would commit to. So if the vampire wished to put up a fight, he would fight back. Kurogane refused to admit defeat and let all of those efforts go to waste. He was a warrior, a stubborn one at that, and he would still fight for what he wanted. For as long as he could remember, it had been to get stronger with no end in sight. Now he would fight to save whatever was left of _them._ No matter how hard it would be, no matter how painful it would get, he would see to it. Fai wanted to not be close. Kurogane wanted to be.

It would only prove to be one of the most frustrating battles he'd ever participate in.

The first thing he had to ensure was the safety of the overall group, one that was no longer the same as before and would never be. Each of them had been broken and had been left shattered, waiting for their pieces to be picked up and put back together. But the cracks and slips were there, and Kurogane felt them for the past few months they had been stuck in this shady world known as Infinity. How fitting the name was, he thought bitterly, as he sat down by himself for the evening on their flat's couch, drinking one more cup of strong alcohol. Nothing was certain anymore, and they were all pit towards a far more dangerous path at this point. There were wounds that were sustained on the tournament battlefield – and then there were wounds that still bled long after each successful victory, and nobody but Kurogane knew that better as he was still nursing a fresh one on his wrist.

Bleeding was nothing to someone like him. He had suffered worse injuries before, and so opening a small portion of his flesh for the idiot to drink off of him was really nothing. But it's how cold the mage would greet him, how sullen his face and golden eye were before he gave that sickening smile and murmured that damn 'Kurogane' before lapping off blood pooling from his wound. There was nothing going on beyond predator and prey, and Fai made sure to keep it at that level after licking off the last bit with his tongue and said 'Good night, Kurogane' or something equally irritating that riled him. No matter what, Fai always made sure to toss in his name for good measures, and Kurogane hated that. Hated that more than all of those past charades and facades the blond had put up in the past, hated that because Fai was doing nothing more than digging a further trench and just hurting themselves more. Long after the forced feeding was done and the mage excused himself for the night, the bleeding still went on.

How was it, he laughed sourly, that such a strange and perverse form of physical intimacy that _both_ were a part of an eternal contract could equally be a design where they could be fully apart like never before? He drank some more, and as much as he detested himself for wallowing and turning into alcohol, it continued like that for the rest of the time they stayed in Infinity. Kurogane even thought that at the very least things couldn't get worse, and that even if something _were_ to happen, he would do something about it.

It was precisely what happened when the mage was possessed and took the boy's sword, ramming it through the princess. And never had Kurogane seen such honest pain and broken spirit in Fai until then.

* * *

><p>Running was the only thing he could do after he had sealed his king away for a deep sleep. Running was one of the few things he could have control over in spite of what fate and his strict mission had in store for him. Fai had to run away, run from the <em>present<em> things that demanded for his attention. But he could have never, _never_ run away from his guilt of cutting his brother's life so soon, for causing two rulers to become insane that resulted in the deaths of countless innocent people. Perhaps the surest thing that he wasn't running away from all this time but was in fact running towards was Death.

He didn't expect for Death to make his appearance when a curse caused his own magic to involuntarily begin the destruction of the world around them, nor did he expect for Death to reign in everyone else he had come to love and treasured. As he felt his life draining incrementally owing to his magic being used to sustain the collapsing of Celes, Fai wondered if this was the final punishment for him, cruel as it may be especially since he had just recently discovered that his brother had wished for him to be free all along.

Freedom, what a beautiful concept, he thought. Freedom to live, freedom to be happy, freedom to _love_, but it was something that could never be granted to him at this point, and now he was accepting his fate.

But he would not accept denying the others their lives and freedom. After everything that had happened – for better or for worse – Fai could not let them suffer at his own expense. And so, as he poured as much strength and magic as he could to release Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona first, he would make sure that they will live so he would know that at the very least nothing terrible would happen to them long after he died. His body rattled in pain and fatigue, but he fought to ignore it because now he had to do the same to Kurogane. He mustered up the remaining ounce of magic he had left within him to free the man who had harangued him, yelled at him, even threatened to harm him if needed be, but most of all the man he had never wanted to harm, never wished to hurt.

His magic failed him, and to his horror, Fai realized that he could do no more to save the warrior. _No,_ he protested, this wasn't supposed to happen! He never wanted Kurogane to die with him, never wanted the person he felt the closest to since his own precious brother had been taken away from him to lose his freedom when he had so much more going for him. And it pained him to see Kurogane struggling still, believing there was still a way for both of them to escape, when Fai knew there was nothing much he could do to save the person he knew was important to him. Even when a hole had pierced the sphere that trapped them and Kurogane tried in vain to drag him out to no avail, it hurt him.

_Why_, he wanted to know, was Kurogane still trying to save him? After all he had done, teased him, tormented him, lied to him, pulled him in and even pushed him away these past few months, _why_ wouldn't Kurogane let him go? Fai couldn't bear to have Kurogane die in vain trying to save him, and the thought that the warrior still cared for him and wanted to do everything in his power to help him caused more pain and sorrow than joy and relief. Fai had given up so many times, but Kurogane – he never had, and that was the most excruciating difference between them. Kurogane never did in Tokyo or Infinity or all those other times beforehand. So now, the mage thought, in spite of everything, he wished Kurogane would finally learn to give up.

"Go!" he urged, and he tried so hard to ignore the pained look Kurogane gave at his dying request.

Fai learned that when one was waiting to die that it was for the best that he made his last thoughts be known and resolve any bitter conflicts so that he could move on to the next life with a clear conscience and no regrets tainting his soul. And so, Fai thought of the things he hoped Kurogane would understand someday and reflected at how the warrior gave so much to him all those times in spite of knowing he shouldn't have deserved them. Blue eye locked on red ones, wishing to impart Kurogane with blessings on his dying breath.

_I'm sorry,_ he wanted to say, _but please, give your support to someone else who deserves it more than I ever could. _

_I'm sorry_, he mourned when Kurogane finally let go of his hand at last. _I'm sorry that we couldn't be close, not matter how much you and I_ _wanted it. Goodbye, Syaoran-kun. Goodbye, Sakura-chan. Goodbye, Mokona. Goodbye … Kuro-_

To his utter horror, Kurogane had instead brought his sword high into the air and swung it down so swiftly that his arm fell off in one sweeping motion. Fai sat there, stunned, as he witnessed the other man writhe his face in pain and yet ignored it to haul Fai up and out of the sphere with his remaining arm to hold him close like never before, blood fiercely spraying in the chaos of wind and destruction. He didn't – Kurogane didn't have just –

"_Kuro-sama!"_

He screamed as the familiar whirl of Mokona's magic surrounded them and he saw the warrior, who had just done something extraordinary to save his life again, fall into a quick state of unconsciousness. Tears poured out of his good eye, and he wept openly as he pushed a hand against the critical wound and wrapped his other arm around Kurogane. He quickly brushed his hand over the other's chest and could still faintly feel his heart beating away steadily and earnestly, but it was just _barely_ there. Many times in the past, Kurogane had held him unwittingly. This time, he would hold on to the wounded ninja and vowed to never let him go, even though he was dying.

Travelling was as fast as any other time, but he felt like time was agonizingly slow, time was being wasted as Kurogane remained so lifeless, and it hurt because he didn't know where they would end up. What if they landed in another dangerous world, or one where no medical attention could be sought? Was this – he wept – was this how much Kurogane was hurting when _he_ was dying in the post-apocalyptic world? Was this how desperate the ninja was when he held on to Fai in strong arms? Of course that how it was, and now Fai painfully understood what the other must have gone through. But Kurogane had the choice and the power to save his life and Fai didn't. What good could he do except for pressing a hand over the wound when already Kurogane had lost so much blood? He could never perform healing magic. And just when Kurogane had risked his life to free Fai there was a new chance for them to start over. But all of that – none of that mattered when Kurogane was _dying_ for his freedom and happiness, just like his brother and his king had.

"Fai-san..." He heard the teenager's voice, but he couldn't respond. Fai just stayed there, frozen and numb and screaming inside until suddenly something touched his cheek and cupped it and he then saw violet eyes that looked so, so familiar.

"Do not worry," the graceful young woman who could only be Tomoyo, Kurogane's princess, said. He found it so hard to breathe and yet there was something so calm and all-knowing and _reassuring_ in her voice.

"Kurogane will not die."

_How? _Fai wanted to ask, but his throat hurt too much to speak. She, however, picked up his cues.

"Because he wants to live just as much, and so, Kurogane will live," Tomoyo emphasized. And true to her words, Kurogane had been transferred to a gurney and a team of doctors and even women in impressive robes (_healers perhaps_) immediately tended to him.

Oh how he wanted to be strong and believed her words would be true. Did he dare to hope for something good out of his own desire this time? Perhaps, he thought, although it wasn't easy. But for Kurogane, he would try. And so, if Kurogane _did _end up being alright, and if he was truly free from the chains that had bound him for so long, he would live.

Live to start anew and be close with Kurogane at last.

* * *

><p>The first time Kurogane woke up in Shirasagi Castle, he had no home, no family to go back to. Tomoyo was the first person he let himself get attached to after painfully coming to grips with his devastating losses, and as a result he knew that he wanted to join the ranks of the castle's ninja army in order to serve her, for he was in debt to her in more than many ways. At the same time, Kurogane was also cunning and had enlisted to become one of the best warriors in Nihon in order to reinsert his sheer strength in the belief that he would be stronger so that someday he could prove that nothing could ever bring him down, nothing could ever frighten him to where he wasn't able to protect his most precious people. Yet somewhere along the way he had lost sight of what had driven him to become strong in the first place.<p>

As he sat there on his infirmary bed, contemplating and holding his good hand over his maimed shoulder, Kurogane now understood why Tomoyo had sent him away. It was more than just to fulfill his part in what destiny had in store for him. More so she had probably seen Fai in her dreams, and perhaps had known just how much Fai needed him –how much _he_ needed Fai. The warrior still held some grudges over an inane concept that _hitsuzen _determined pretty much what would happen and even what they would choose to do. Hell, the Kurogane of the past would have seethed in anger knowing that he would end up giving up blood, his freedom, even his _strength_ to the blue-eyed mage that he could never ignore. The Kurogane of the past, who had been exiled from his world, would have been stubborn and defied fate and chose something else. But Kurogane was no longer like that, and even if it meant his strength had been whittled down quite significantly, he didn't lament over that.

Instead, he didn't regret it at all. And if it was the only way he could ensure Fai would live and be free to be happy, he would do it all over again.

He was going to make sure that Fai would accept it, but when his princess invited the blond inside, he grew hesitant. The mage walked in, wearing what was undoubtedly a furisode. His head was bent – part out of respect to Tomoyo whose grace was present in the entire room, and part out of something even Kurogane could not discern. It wasn't as if he was scared or something the like, far from it. He just wasn't sure how Fai would react to his sacrifice at all, and if the blond had sabotaged what they had in that forsaken world was any indication, Kurogane was prepared for another huge blow as well. And yet, he would still let his intentions be known as he exchanged a good, long and silent eye contact with Fai.

"Oi," he said, and he felt his heart beating unexpectedly faster as he waited for the other's reaction. Kurogane had expected words, most likely unpleasant ones.

What he got instead was a punch to his head that caught him off guard so hard that he fell back. Placing a hand over where he had been hit, he stared back rather dumbfounded, but saw there was no malice in Fai's eye at all. On the contrary, there was something new around the edge of his mouth, and when it curled into a tiny smile, it felt genuine, and Kurogane suddenly found the urge to catalogue that away in the corner of his head because it wasn't stupid or anything like that at all. It was…nice.

"That was payback, Kuro-sama."

Oh, he did not just say – "I'll beat you up, you bastard," Kurogane fired back in a heartbeat. But there was no mistake. Fai said it. 'Kuro-sama', not 'Kurogane' like as of late, and it oddly thrilled him in such way that he found himself smiling back as well like an idiot, but that's okay because it just felt _right_.

"I shall now leave the two of you alone," Tomoyo announced. She smiled, and if he wasn't mistaken there was something mischievous twinkling in her eyes as she left the room. He would deal with that later, but for now, he turned all attention back to the mage who was still standing there, moonlight seeping in from the windows and highlighting his entire figure. Suddenly, he wasn't sure what to do or say, and he wondered if he could blame that entirely on the fatigue his body was still battling with after losing so much blood.

"…Sit," he finally said, and Fai did without any defiance. Besides, it looked like he had so much weighing on his mind that he wanted to say. But that's alright, because honestly Kurogane still didn't feel much like talking on his end and even though he thought Fai was annoying all those times for babbling incessantly he just wanted to hear him talk. He then realized how much he even _missed_ hearing Fai talk.

"Kuro-sama, I…" The blond stopped for a moment and Kurogane swore he saw him blinking back tears, but he just let him be. All he wanted was honesty and so if those were honest tears he would let Fai cry even though he wasn't sure how he could directly comfort him. Fai cleared his throat rather awkwardly.

"Kuro-sama, I thought you were going to die."

_Of course not, _idiot,_ why would I…_ He then had to stop himself from saying something along the lines of that because he fully understood that cutting off his arm without batting an eye would be terrifying to Fai, who had thought he had killed Sakura, saw his king fall, and watched his brother rest in peace at last. And so he let Fai continue as needed, because for once he felt glad that the mage was no longer holding back.

"So I couldn't bear the thought of losing someone again because of being with me or getting closer. And the thought of losing you because of you wanting to save me, I…" Fresh tears leaked out again, and Fai paused.

"Don't you see?" Fai whispered. "If you had died, I would have died."

_How strange_, Kurogane thought as he instinctively lifted his good hand to brush away the tears on Fai's face, _because that's how _I _felt, too – _back in Celes. Fai, who looked so scared, yet so resigned to his fate. Fai, who Kurogane desperately did not want to lose, and in the end had sacrificed his strength in order to save his most important person. Fai, who was now there, alive and hurt, but _healing_, and was now bringing a hand up to hold the one Kurogane had on his face.

"I made a promise," the warrior said. "I don't know when or where, but I made one." It was a promise to see to it that Fai would live, be free from his burdens and live in the present. "And besides, idiot, if I want to live, I will fight to live. If I want others to live, then hell, I _will_ fight to have them live. Because in the end, I know I have kept my vow to protect those precious to me."

Fai choked on a few more tears, but he smiled nevertheless. "Kuro-sama…" he said again, speechless, and this time, Kurogane knew all was forgiven.

He was glad, because he was getting sleepy again. It was a wonder he could keep his composure at this rate because he wasn't sure how much better things between them (no longer just he and Fai, _them_) were going to get. After all the waiting, after all he put in to keep up a fight to never let them go, they had won.

"Hey," he said again, this time absentmindedly running his fingers through blonde hair. "I'm getting sleepy again. So, uh…" It was now or never "Stay. With me."

He of course meant more than just staying with him for the night, and when Fai smiled and lied down and he invited the mage to lie close to him, he knew Fai had understood. He knew that there were still many hurdles left to overcome with Syaoran, but for now, he felt happy, and it was the most wonderful kind of happiness.

A long time ago, Fai and Kurogane had shared a bedroom in a world where they were forced to relive their worst memories in the forms of vivid nightmares. Each had woken up discovering something about their growing relationship. Fai was afraid to get closer while Kurogane continued. Tragic circumstances arose that caused their connection to crumble, but after much patience and devotion, they had come back stronger like never before. And now, as they lied together peacefully, content and blissful in each other's arms with nothing holding them back, they were close with each other.

Eternally.


End file.
